Life with Your Partner after Giving Birth

If you and your partner have both been going out to work and shared equally in household tasks, you may find that things are different now that you are at home with your baby. Your partner may assume that, because you are at home and not working, responsibility for household tasks falls more on your shoulders. If you have always played a domestic role, you may feel that it is all too much to cope with at once and may find that, with the baby to look after, you are not getting all the shopping, cooking and housework done as before.

In the early weeks you may be totally preoccupied with the baby, and your partner may not understand why you have so little time to talk to him or be with him. Even though he realizes that the baby's demands must come first, he may start to feel left out or be worried that things will never be the same again between you.

A partner really has two choices when he has a new baby. He can either involve himself with the baby, take over some of the tasks, like changing nappies, bathing the baby, feeding a bottle-fed baby and comforting him when he cries - or he can sit back and let the mother do the major part. If he involves himself with the baby, gets up at night and early in the morning, he will realize how demanding a baby is and will better understand why his partner is so tired - especially since she has been through a pregnancy and childbirth too. He may also often feel too tired to make love! If, however, he does not involve himself with the baby, he may feel left out and might become resentful of his partner's tiredness and seeming lack of interest in him - and wish that things could get 'back to normal' as soon as possible.

It is important that you and your partner try to create some time for each other and that you do talk things over. Once the baby is old enough to be left with a trusted babysitter you can go out by yourselves, or you may be able to find time to be together when the baby is asleep, postponing chores until later.

Sex is often a problem at this time. After the discomforts of pregnancy and the weeks immediately after the birth, many men see no reason why making love should be postponed any longer. Many women, however, continue to be anxious that they may not feel comfortable or they may want affection and cuddles rather than passion.

Unless a couple can talk openly about their feelings, resentment can build up. If sex becomes a real problem, it can help to talk about it to your doctor or health visitor. A permanent loss of interest in sex can be a symptom of depression but is perfectly understandable so soon after giving birth. Some mothers are simply afraid of how sex after childbirth will feel, especially if they have a scar, or they fear that their partners will no longer find them attractive. They are often pleased to find that they enjoy it as much as ever.