Leaving Your Baby At Home

By the time your baby has turned three months old you should feel ready to start going out and doing some of the things you did before she was born, even if it is only a trip to the cinema or a restaurant in the evening, or to have your hair cut during the day. The first time you leave your baby and go out can be rather alarming - many mothers feel as if they have inadvertently left something behind!

You don't necessarily have to go out with your partner. Sometimes it can be very refreshing to go out alone or with friends for an evening, confidently leaving the baby with her father.

If you are breast-feeding, you can express milk to leave for your baby in a bottle. Expressed breast-milk will keep in a sterile container in the fridge for forty-eight hours or, if you can't express enough at once, you can freeze a little at a time for a few days before you go out and store it in the freezer. It is quite safe to add a little to already frozen milk kept in a bottle in the freezer.

You can buy simple hand-operated breast pumps if you cannot manage the technique of expressing by hand; these need to be carefully sterilized like all other feeding equipment. Some mothers find that they cannot 'let down' their milk when using a pump; it can help to use a pump to express from one side while the baby is feeding at the other breast. Expressed breast-milk often looks thin and watery or may even separate on standing; this doesn't mean that it has gone off, and the milk will return to normal consistency when it is warmed up.

If you are bottle-feeding, it is easy to make up a bottle ready for the babysitter or your partner to give to your baby.

It can be hard for the father to involve himself very much with the baby in the early weeks, especially if you are breast- feeding, because you are always there and sometimes seem to be the only person who can pacify her. But it will help the father make a firm relationship with the baby if he is sometimes left in sole charge, while you spend an evening out with friends. You can also leave the baby with your partner for a few hours at the weekends, while you make a shopping trip or have your hair cut - anything you can't do with the baby there.

Even if you are breast-feeding, it may be a good idea to express milk so that the father can give a bottle at night once in a while - although you have to be able to sleep through the baby's crying while he warms the bottle if this is to be worthwhile.

Fathers can sometimes take the baby off your hands by taking her out for a walk in the pram or sling, or by taking her with him when he visits friends or does some errands. Many men complain that there is nowhere for men to change nappies in shops or public places, as changing areas seem inevitably to be in the ladies' room - though there is always the park bench!